The question above is real. And I would like each one of us reading this, answer the question truthfully. Think about it. Then, say Yes! or No! Say it to yourself. There is no one judging you here. Now read on.
Now think of the last few conversations you had. It could be with your Boss,
your customer, your spouse, your colleague, your child, or just anyone. It
could have been face to face or on the phone or over a video call or chat. Now
answer this – what exactly did the other person say? How was the other person
feeling? What did they mean? What did you understand? Are you sure you
understood what they said or meant to say correctly? Are you sure?
If your answer to the first question is Yes and you can also answer the
other questions above without a doubt – then you know what I am going to talk
about now. If your answer is anything else then you want to know why I asked
these questions. So here goes.
The one thing that can help us in our professional and personal lives, forever, and also help us be better human beings is listening. Listening to understand – “Active Listening”. You would have read about it in books on communication skills, books on how to deal with people better, and in quotes from successful people. This is something we all actually know, however seem to forget. And rarely follow.
Tell me how frustrated do you feel, when you are trying to convey something important (from your perspective) to your Boss and s/he says something like “Hmm” or “ok” or just nods while s/he is busy working on the laptop or mobile or something? How frustrated do you feel when you are trying to convey something to your husband or wife or son or daughter and you can see they are not listening? Very. Right?
Well, it is equally frustrating to someone else when they are trying to tell
you something and you are busy doing something else, or thinking something
else. And by not listening we are not only not showing our disrespect to the
other person but we are also losing out ourselves.
We are losing out on information.
We are losing out on getting to know the other person better, which could then
help us deal with them better.
We are losing out on an opportunity to make the other person feel important,
which in turn makes them like us.
We are losing out on opportunity, which could be hidden somewhere in what the
other person is saying. (A good sales person, boss, mentor, will totally get
what I am saying here).
We are losing out on…….
When you listen actively - you get to really know a person and understand
what they mean and where they come from. That by itself can help you relate to
them and hence deal with them better. And that is the first step to success.
Because it is all about people. And Active Listening helps you get - really get
people. In the 50+ years of my life that is one of things that has really
helped me on numerous occasions. And that made me even put out a course to help
people re-learn the art of active listening. If you are interested you can access it here.
In today’s multitasking hyperactive life, we tend to be easily distracted
all the time or just too caught up in whatever we are doing. During
conversations, more often than not, we are so intent on talking or thinking
about what to say next, that we hardly listen any more. We all want to be
heard. We want to ‘win’ all discussions (and actually, that is when discussions
become arguments). Think about the last few conversations you have just had and
chances are you would remember what you said but not much of what the other
person said and meant. Been there? Well, that needs to change if you want to
succeed in life.
Active Listening is a learnt skill. We can all be active listeners. We just
have to make that effort. It is something that can help us in every aspect of
our life. Think about the people you like the most - in your personal or
professional lives - chances are they would be active listeners.
What do you think? Would love to hear your views in the comments below.
